Van Hees Strategic Advisory
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Arena-Schizophrenia: The danger of a split identity in professional football.
When a World Cup final turns into a black hole
Imagine: you are 22 years old. You are in the starting line-up for the final of the World Cup. Hundreds of millions of people are watching you. It is the peak of human capability, the moment every child on a playground dreams of.
And years later, you must conclude that you remember almost nothing about it.
In a candid dialogue between former pros Gregory van der Wiel and Edgar Davids, a painful, almost surreal moment emerges. Both have stood on the grandest stage—one in the 2010 World Cup final, the other in the 1995 Champions League final. And both openly admit: it is a hazy blur, a black hole.
I feel deeply for players like Gregory. Throughout this podcast, many answers to the questions he struggles with pass by without either he or Edgar realizing it. The fact that Gregory cannot remember much of the World Cup final has nothing to do with "flow," as Edgar suggests; it has to do with trauma. When someone is focused, you are actually very aware of where you are and what you are doing. That flow is a trauma. A traumatized person is someone who snaps into survival mode. At that moment, cognitive systems shut down, adrenaline hits the roof, and consciousness narrows to pure reaction. The brain does not store memories but protects itself. What people call 'flow' is in reality a physiological shutdown.
Edgar: "So you didn't enjoy playing the final?" Gregory: "I was not aware of it. Not at all, actually. And to be honest, I was not aware of my whole career."
Gregory indicates in this quote that he was essentially unaware that he was a professional footballer throughout his entire career. That realization never quite dawned on him. The explanation is quite simple and logical: the moment a person goes into survival mode, all cognitive systems shut down and adrenaline begins to pump and flow. Then the shield appears. That shield eventually becomes a mask. That mask is the footballer Gregory van der Wiel, not the person.
Edgar: "But what do you mean you were not aware of your whole career?" Gregory: "If I would describe it, I would say like it was somebody else doing this career and now I'm somebody else. Now I'm the real me."
Ultimately, the mask becomes an identity, unconsciously, allowing him to survive life as a footballer. If you have almost no awareness of your entire career, you have lived continuously in survival mode. Especially during match days and the day before. During weekday training sessions, the survival mechanism subsides to the level where it was first activated. Gregory began developing his mask during his time at Ajax. During training, he is absolutely not occupied with what happened to him on match day, or why he put on a mask. He has no idea about the mask, which also brings doubt, as he thinks he is the mask.
During training, adrenaline continues to flow, arising from the fact that performance is still required, otherwise Gregory will not be in the starting eleven for the upcoming match. As a result, he is also not consciously engaged with training methodologies, which is why he now looks back and does not know whether he got the maximum out of himself and his career. The mask consumed reality, leaving even the memory of his achievements feeling blurry and unreal.
If a victory is achieved on a match day and Gregory the footballer has performed, that mask and footballer identity are fed with attention, status, money, and everything else he desires. This in turn results in dopamine, thus completing the cycle. For many footballers, the sport is an unconscious addiction. At least once a week, for a good result, a shot of dopamine and everything that comes with it. Ultimately, the mask becomes a second identity, and from there the career is shaped and lived. From one shot to the next. There is little to no time to reflect for those who feel something might be wrong, and the drama that unfolds after the career begins to take shape.
Gregory: "Like I was not close to myself. I had no idea who I really was. I felt I was just performing and performing and performing. And this was a whole different kind of person than I am now. And I feel I'm not the only one dealing with this."
"I feel I'm not the only one dealing with this" indicates that he is still in professional football rehab. He is far from himself, and with all due respect to Gregory, that is what he projects. He will first have to deal with the lack of weekly dopamine, because you simply cannot find that anywhere else. I hope he realizes this. I have the idea—and Gregory, let me know if I have it wrong—that the podcast is a craving for dopamine. If tens of thousands watch his podcast and he builds a YouTube channel with, say, 100k+ subscribers, some dopamine might be released again. Especially in the football world. That is also his niche on YouTube: professional football. I sincerely wish him the best, but that is not how you find the human and person Gregory van der Wiel. No, you continue where you left off so you don't have to look. That is what an addict would do, Gregory.
I think you first have to accept that the dopamine shots are no longer coming. From there, you can search for yourself. Additionally, you have experienced some business dramas, and that doesn't help the process you are in with yourself. You need tools to start from, to find yourself, to get to know and accept yourself. Both in the good things and the bad. It is important that you first reach the self-reflection process. That is where the mirror appears, and then you will see the mask you are actually still wearing. There you will also find yourself, including in spirituality. That will feel like a rebirth, knowing you still have a way to go. But there you learn to accept yourself in the full essence of Gregory. That is where the processing of the dopamine addiction begins, as well as the traumas you have incurred. I can feel the pain when I look at your eyes during this podcast. Your gaze betrays everything.
I truly feel for you, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I wish everyone in this world health and happiness. The last thing I want to see is a professional footballer who has lost the plot.
I wish you strength, wisdom, and health, Gregory.
Do you recognize anything from Gregory’s story – in yourself or within your squad? Let’s look at it soberly together. Get in touch.